Content

A week ago, I wrote about how content I was after floating Ginnie Springs. Isn’t it weird how “content” can be read as either “material” (There is content in this) or “happy” (I am content with this). It’s a subtle word in the same way that “regardless” and “irregardless” basically mean the same thing.

Today I’m going to give a guide on 2 things which I used to make a pretty lady content recently. Not in a dirty sexual way but in general. it’ll probably lead to dirty sexual ways but this is a PG blog, guys!

1. Flowers. Pay attention to what kind if flowers she looks at. If she mentions a certain type it’s even easier. Once you’ve figured this out, then go to the florist and tell them to make one. It’s not that hard. You tell them one flower (“tulips”) and a price (“$20”) and they fill the bouquet to the friggin brim with complementing pieces like other flowers or baby’s breath. For all you macho-men, it’s not an actual breath that’s been somehow captured (that’s just creepy. Also probably pretty pungent), it’s this weird branch with little seeds.

Now just because I recommend this, it doesn’t mean I understand why girls like flowers. They die and they take up space. But they get almost as happy as guys do when they reach Zombie level 34 in CoD. It’s like this indescribable look which cynical-Chris would probably characterize as triumph (“I tricked him into buying me flowers”). They smell them and most of them get this giddy look. Also, when you walk down the street holding a bouquet, I promise every girl you see will give you the most envious stares. Thinking about it now, this could easily be adapted into a killer pick-up technique.

2. Breakfeast. Make breakfast for her and surprise her with it. Honestly it could be as simple as eggs and cereal. But I’d recommend going with some meat (not that kind.. Well maybe/probably later), and a biscuit.

Heck if you’re really lazy then just go buy a freaking feast (breakfast = breakfeast. I’m going to patent that on UrbanDictionary.com. UPDATE: Breakfeast is already at UD) to-go from some diner and plop it down. You can go two ways with breakfeast: pretend you made it or be honest. She’ll be melting for you regardless. But I’d recommend being honest otherwise you’re gonna have to learn exotic cooking techniques. I highly doubt she thinks (or you think) you’re capable of truffle soufflés or chocolate-dipped strawberries.

Personally, I’d save a combination of 1 & 2 for when (It’s not “if” it’s only a matter of time) you really are in trouble. We’re not all Kobe Bryants who can afford $47271617 rings.

Chris

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9 thoughts on “Content

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