Mascot fight

I’m sure that most of you college football fans have seen this assault upon Ohio State’s mascot by Ohio University’s mascot. It warms my heart to see that stupid buckeye getting attacked by anything. I went ahead and embedded it, just because I love it so much.

I mean, this OU dude became a mascot one year in advance just so he could attack Brutus. That is dedication and true hatred bordering on psychotic.

Anyways, it turns out that this isn’t the only mascot fight that’s been going on. If you haven’t heard about it, Dave Brandon has recently started an uproar because he’s thinking about introducing a mascot to Michigan. He said, “You can’t get your picture taken with a Block M.” That’s your reasoning?!?! You can’t get a picture taken with tradition either.

"I stand by RichRod. Also I always look like this, it's not a bad picture. It's just my face."

Michigan is one of the few exceptions among elite college athletic departments that doesn’t have a mascot running around the sidelines. But, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Michigan football is one of the oldest and storied football programs (most wins by a college football program ever! Biggest stadium in the nation!) and doesn’t need a mascot running around the sidelines. We have winged helmets for goodness sake!

I mean, I love Albert and Alberta, the Florida Gator’s mascots, but can you really make a fluffy, loveable version of a wolverine? The answer is no. It turns out they tried  to do it and failed back on October 22, 1927. Two alums donated a pair of wolverines, Bennie and Biff. So the plan was for the wolverines to be walked around on leashes.

You can’t cage a wolverine!! Everyone knows that, they’re vicious! That’s why they were chosen as our mascot. After Biff was put into his cage, he snapped a bar of his cage in half using his bare teeth. Yost (yes, the Yost who the UM field is named after) said, “It was obvious that the Michigan mascots had designs on the Michigan men toting them, and those designs were by no means friendly.” Anyways, they recognized the epic fail, so Bennie was sent to the Detroit Zoo and Biff was sent to the (now non-existent) UM zoo.

And then in the 1980’s, UM students proposed this

cartoon drawing of Willy the Wolverine in M sweaterI think if Igor and Shquonda had a pet, this is what he would look like. Willy looks like the ugly step-brother of the Wisconsin Badger (no offense Badger). Looking back on it, everyone laughs at how stupid it looks.

There is no place for anything but visiting mascots at Michigan Stadium. UM does not have a mascot and that is how it should stay. If you’re leaning towards having one, look at how stupid Willy the Wolverine looks. And then tell me that you want to be remembered as an original supporter of whatever comes out of Dave Brandon’s mouth. You know, Dave Brandon, the guy who hired Rich Rodriguez.

Stop ignoring tradition, Dave. Unless you are actually Ron Burgundy and have a voice that could make a wolverine purr.

Chris

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