Binge drinking

I had orientation for my new job 2 weeks ago. During orientation, they had an “alcohol-cessation and evaluation session.” In this session, the lady used the CDC definition of types of drinking which are:

If you can’t read that AND you are too lazy to click on it (screw you):

The CDC defines heavy drinking as 2 drinks (average) per day for males and 1 drink (average) per day for females.
On the other hand, binge drinking is > 5 drinks on a single occasion for men or > 4 drinks on a single occasion for women.

Umm. Yeah. Does anyone else feel the need for loose interpretation of this definition? You’re a heavy drinker if you have a glass of wine with dinner? Or go to a tailgate? Or if you only do half of a lap of a float? Or been bowling (link not posted yet) with me? Or been to Cedar Point (the roller-coaster park) with me?

Wait, you mean this isn't normal on roller coasters?

Sorry, got off topic. I mean, think about undergrad in general. Did you have greater than 5 (or 4 for the ladies) beers in one night? If your housemates were anything like mine (see picture above), you probably were double binge-drinking during the pre-game before you actually went out

C’mon, let’s be realistic: I’ve ICED people into “binge drinking.” Speaking of which, I am totally bringing Icing to Providence. And for everyone in Gainesville, you better pick up the Ice-void which was caused after I left.

I show no mercy. I will Ice you on a kayak.

I think this definition is ridiculous and requires some revisions. Especially if you’re going to try to guilt people into re-evaluating their lives. However, during the cessation session (creative title, lady) I convinced myself I’m not a binge drinker by employing a loophole: I just said an “occasion” is each round of beer pong. Or, heck, an “occasion” is every time I walk into another room. Personally, I think the best way is to define an “occasion” as every time you finish your current drink!

Also in an ironic twist, it’s not like we are drinking like the former president of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, who was arrested recently by the Gainesville Police Department on a DUI charge.

She went hard, I mean she blew .234 and .239 at the holding cell and at the car. That’s probably 5 binge drinking sessions, so what’s that called then? Bender drinking? Blast drinking? Orgy drinking? Stay classy, Gainesville.



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