I found Jenna Marbles first so back the F off!!

I have known about Jenna Marbles for one year, which is a long time in Youtube/Facebook-time. I’ve even used her as an opener in one of my most popular blog posts: “Terms of endearment” (excluding the Hot Plane Chick series obviously). So I repeat: she’s been my sarcastically spunky #2 for at least one year. I had a plan to meet her and everything (see below), but with all these other people, the plan’s not going to work!!

Anyways, I remember Jenna Marbles putting out the video about “How to trick people into thinking you’re good looking” and laughing – most likely in my trademark loud-fashion. Then I saw her “How to avoid talking to people you don’t want to talk to” video a few months later, totally not recognizing it was the same person. So I was showing my friend, Dizzy, the instructive video and she immediately recognized her as the same chick. “No way, “ I said. But then I looked harder (pun intended.. oh yeah) and it was.

Anyways, that’s important for two reasons: first, Dizzy is from Canada. So she can never be right, eh? Also she fits the Canadian stereotype of eating only maple syrup and poutine, from Tim Horton’s (Also there are no roads in Canada and they have no army but they watch a lot of hockey so that’s kind of cool). And secondly, I realized that Ms. Mourey just skyrocketed into my top 5 for her series of awesomely angry hilarious videos whilst being unimaginably hot. Even with all that, Jenna’s not going to overtake Taylor at the #1 spot.. c’mon guys.

I am writing this post to let everyone know that I discovered Jenna Marbles first. So back the F off!! Anyways, this morning she made a guest appearance on ABC’s “Good Morning America,” so now there are going to be a million and a half bandwagon fans.

Sorry, ABCNews has crappy embedding permissions. I’ve spent too long trying to embed this directly, so if you want to view the interviews you have to clicking on the image below or try these direct links at http://youtu.be/JWoUH6k_sh4 or http://abcnews.go.com/US/jenna-marbles-anti-dirty-dance-teens-grinding/story?id=14314828

It’s actually pretty ridiculous that she made a cameo to begin with. But they let her on as an expert advocate on the topic of “Dance stance: movement to end grinding.” Haha.She’s a go-go dancer for a sports-promotions company!! I don’t think that ABC realized the irony of her going on the show. Or maybe ABC just realized that this is the recipe for quality TV programming: get hot blonde and comically ridiculous topic (see Elisha Cuthbert in pretty much every episode “Happy Endings”).

Anyways, I’m ranting because I at least I had a shot, albeit a longgggggggggggggggggggg shot BECAUSE I HAVE TO COMPETE WITH PEOPLE WHO DO THIS:

My original chances with her were at least 3 times bigger (Zoolander reference intended) than my chance with Taylor Swift. Pretty much almost as good of a chance as me winning my raffle-boat. The chances were going to be better before all these other bandwagon dudes (and chicks!) got here, because I had this plan to meet Jenna Marbles:

How to win Jenna Marbles over (an exhaustive scheme)
Step 1: Go 45 minutes to Boston
Step 2: Hire Barstool Sports for a gig, where she works as a go-go dancer
Step 3: Realize it’s expensive to rent out a bar and/or a promotional company. Go to existing Barstool Sports event, use money for making it rain later
Step 4: She’d show up practically naked in something sparkly (so we’re halfway there)! which is perfect garb for the ensuing profound, intellectual, and deep conversations.. about her chest
Step 5: Engage in “show me your’s I’ll show you mine” game with said chest
Step 6: Expose own chest. I was going to get pro-tips on stripping from Ben, who claims he is an expert (Sidenote: his girlfriend does not agree)
Step 7: … didn’t really think this far, I figured I’d have gotten kicked out of the event by then
Step 8: Receive restraining order
Step 9: Appeal restraining order
Step 10: Repeat Steps 1-9 until she falls in love with me

That, Ladies and Gentlemen, right there is a fool-proof plan… until I win my raffle-boat or I run out of money to appeal the inevitable restraining orders.

Chris

Related links
Thug story 2
Taylor Swift as Jenna in HIMYM?
How do you do it, Sarah Jaxheimer?!?!
Don’t you worry your pretty little mind…
Show me your TDs (part 1)
Remind me

Taylor, Sara, Robin, Jenna
A combination in heaven: pizza and Taylor Swift
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13 thoughts on “I found Jenna Marbles first so back the F off!!

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  8. …in canada we have roads obvsly. and TIM HORTONS DOESNT SERVE POUTINE MAH GAWD GET IT RIGHT. hope ya see her soon u perveeee. 😉 xoxo Moi.

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  10. Pingback: Katie G part 3: Sunday night, the calm before the disaster « heylookchris

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