Terms of endearment (part 4)

Almost exclusively, text messaging is the first form of contact with that new person you just met. It’s casual and non-threatening. It gets you talking without doing something lame like asking to be her Facebook friend. But, while text messaging is nice for initial contact, it really pisses me off because I gain no information from them except for the plain text. Text messaging offers no inflection, no sense of timing, and most importantly, no facial expressions.

Let’s take what happens after initial contact. I usually go with “It was nice to meet you I had a lot of fun and I’d like to see you soon” but a lot of my friends go with a plain old “Hey.” Or you could go with a more casual, laid-back “Hey” (with no period at the end).

Either way, it’s not a particularly welcoming salutation. No enthusiasm. It’s firm. But is it menacing? Is this the start of a CORN (“come over right now”) text? Note: CORN came from a recent Friends with Benefits episode, which I highly recommend – mainly due to Sara Maxwell (who is 2nd in the new rankings: Taylor, Sara, Robin, Jenna). Read more about other fun phrases in a previous “Terms of endearment” post.

Here’s a classic example of a text messaging fail:

Me: Hey do you want to catch a movie tn?
Chick: That sounds awesome! I’ve been meaning to see [insert movie name here].
Me: Ok. Let’s go to the 8 PM show
Chick: Sounds good….

What the f is an ellipsis doing in the message? Being the overanalyzer I am, I assume the “….” at the end means one of three things:

1. Chick wants something from me or
2. Chick can’t process thoughts or
3. Chick is mad at me

For situation #1, I refer you to Terms of endearment part 2. For situation #2, chick is probably stupid. If you’re in situation #3, call to clarify because chicks tend to overanalyze things. You don’t want her to misunderstand you; more importantly, text messages are a written record.

I’ve noticed that situation #3 happens exclusively when that chick and her 4 closest friends are huddled around her phone. The estrogen-mob only serves to fuel her outrage and anger as they (not just her now) dissect your every response. This is not good, so just admit that text messaging sucks for dating and call her. Plus if you really like her, you should probably enjoy the sound of their voice – or at least get used to it if she’s a squawker.

Here’s another classic example of punctuation screwing things up:

Chick: “You shouldn’t be okay that I feel this way.”
Me: “I’m not sorry”

Obviously I meant to say “I’m not ok and I apologize” instead I got an earful about my insensitivity. Like think about it: if I didn’t care, then why would I take time to text you back? Wouldn’t it just be easier for me to ignore you? I mean, WHY WOULD I SAY I’M NOT SORRY?

A little off-topic, back to my text messaging rant.. I think everyone will agree that “K” is basically saying “Fine I hate you”. “K.” (with the period) is even worse. If I get this text it is usually an indicator that I am about to get yelled at…  unless you’re just lazy and can’t type an extra letter to make “K” into “OK”.

Okay (see what I did there? I typed it out) we’re done analyzing specific cases. Here’s where I’m just going to talk about how I resent the power emoticons have. I hate how emoticons dictate the tone of a conversation. Nowadays, if you don’t get a smiley face – or if you’re lucky, winky face – then you know you’re doing something wrong. If a chick likes you, she will want her excitement to be as apparent as possible. Because men don’t listen. I learned that one when I said “I’m not sorry” with no punctuation.

Don’t even get me started on the timing situation either. You know what I’m talking about. You send a borderline offensive text and get no immediate response. Because text messages convey no tone, she can’t tell if you’re joking about how you hate midgets. So, you wait a few hours. Maybe you should clarify? Finally, just as you’re about to give up, you get a text back that’s like “Bahahaha. Sorry I can’t talk I’m at the grocery store” or something.

The only exception to text messaging being a windfall for relationships is when, of course, you are pexting (groin picture ala Brett Favre or Anthony Wiener). Text messaging is good for feedback in this situation. Plus a pext doesn’t really convey timing or emotion – well, I guess it could convey excitement.

Hurricane Irene still hasn’t ripped my roof off. Good sign!

Chris

Related links
Terms of endearment (part 1)
Terms of endearment (part 2)
Terms of endearment (part 3)

Katie G part 2: Saturday, the Boston night
Katie G part 3: Sunday night, the calm before the disaster
Katie G: part 5, flower-filled outrage

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9 thoughts on “Terms of endearment (part 4)

  1. Pingback: Terms of endearment (part 3) | heylookchris

  2. Pingback: Terms of endearment (part 2) | heylookchris

  3. Pingback: Ann Arbor Halloween Homecoming part 1: the Burrito | heylookchris

  4. Pingback: Terms of endearment (part 1) | heylookchris

  5. Pingback: Katie G part 3: Sunday night, the calm before the disaster « heylookchris

  6. Pingback: Katie G part 2: Saturday, the Boston night « heylookchris

  7. Pingback: Katie G: part 5, Flower-filled outrage. « heylookchris

  8. Pingback: Katie G: Part 6, the end | heylookchris

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