Waiting period

I got a question from a friend yesterday asking for my advice about how long he/she should wait before getting back into a relationship. I laughed because I am definitely not the right one to answer that question. For goodness sake, my last serious relationship ended in 2008! Here is a summary of my relationships.. As you can see, the majority of my history is two girls who collectively went from September 2003 to September 2009 plus a few month stint in HS with M (um, she has been asked to be more anonymous and, in fact, specifically requested to be called “#6742”).

Anyways, I did not handle the end of my relationships well. As you can see, I either took not enough time (after #6742) or way too much time (after J). Some people have rules of thumb (half the length of the relationship, until the next hot chick you see walks into your life, the length of time for a gun license..) It is much like Betty White’s underwear, it.. depends.

I guess you should probably find a nice balance: somewhere before your balls shrivel up from lack of use; but after bringing a chick home while your ex is cleaning up her possession tampons – you know, the ones they “accidentally” leave at your place to mark their territory [Yeah, we’re onto you ladies, we know your tricks]. I mean, you don’t want a gap between relationships as large as the void between the legs of Kate – as in “Kate + 8.” But don’t go running from an emotional bar crawl at Slammer to the arms of some new girl.

Breaking up is as inevitable as JP going down in flames with a lady {more about this later} or losing in fantasy football. I mean, it’s gonna keep happening until we end up finding that special someone or just end up settling. So when you break up, here’s my rules of thumb. Also since they are my own rules, I am allowed to make exceptions for myself whenever I want.

If you’d been dating – officially – for less than four weeks and you hadn’t dropped the L-bomb, you wait no more than 15 seconds after you delete her from your phone. Also, do not try to loophole this by not deleting her from your phone. If you are in love, that’s ridiculous. Shut your naive doe eyes for 10 seconds and slap yourself in the face. You’ve got to realize it takes longer than four weeks to fall in love. I mean, you can discover you really care about a girl, but even though I’m a hard-core romantic, I believe that love is something that must be cultivated.

Don’t even get me started if you met this girl through online dating because here’s what you do in that situation: step 1, bleach yourself to get rid of the crabs. step 2, move onto the next match.com chick whose biological clock is acting up.

However, if your relationship was long term, moving too fast is just asking for more trouble. I think you’re ready to get into another relationship and/or dating when you figure out exactly what went wrong with the previous relationship. So my advice to my unnamed friend ended up being: enjoy being single until you figure out what went wrong. While this is going on, spend a little more of time at your job so you can get a promotion and finally upgrade your wardrobe. Stop wearing your old fraternity’s beach week shirts.

That is actually a piece of life advice. If you are not in college, do not wear collegiate apparel unless you’re tailgating.

Ok, so maybe I was a little harsh about the “no love” thing within 4 weeks earlier.. If you have managed to develop a real relationship within 4 weeks and you two end up breaking up, then you should probably wait longer than 15 seconds. Probably.

Chris

Katie G, part 5: flower-filled outrage

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One thought on “Waiting period

  1. Pingback: Katie G part 5: Flower-filled outrage. « heylookchris

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