One of the last things I did before I left Gainesville and lost my official “student” status was to buy as many things as I could with my student discount (The best thing was a year-long subscription to Amazon prime – you really don’t realize what you’re missing until you get free two-night shipping!).
Anyways, I thought I’d be clever and buy Microsoft Office 2010 at my student-discounted price. So, I was really excited to finally install it. I mean, hey, I’d been putting it off and maybe it’ll have improvements. Maybe they brought back the paper clip office assistant!! You know what I’m talking about.. that little guy was amazing. Don’t let ’em fool you, that paper clip was the best innovation that Microsoft has come up with.
Sidenote: Haha, turns out I wasn’t the only one to remember that piece of crap. Apparently his name is Clippy. Actually, I think what I have with Clippy is the definition of a love/hate relationship.
Anyways, I didn’t actually get around to installing Office 2010 until a few weeks ago – on November 12. If you will notice, my last post was on November 11. Coincidence? No.
Turns out, after I went to install the freaking program, I couldn’t open Microsoft Word without it crashing my entire computer and taking 23 seconds to type the sentence “WHAT THE F” into the word processor. Don’t even get me started on trying to change fonts. And heaven forbid, I try to OPEN A DOCUMENT. Let’s break this down:
I type “What the f” into my keyboard.
I get this.
Then 5 seconds later I get this..
Then 23 seconds later I get this..
Ten seconds later, I get this (ok, I took this particular image off Google Image Search so I don’t own it, but you get the idea)..
Now, my computer isn’t the best top-of-the-line. I got it two or three years ago, when I started grad school. But, it’s powerful enough to handle most current video games. Heck, it’s even powerful enough to comfortably handle particle transport codes and MATLAB (the language of technical computing). Either way, it should be able to handle iTunes and changing keystrokes into words right? WRONG.
I should’ve known something was up when the installation took 32 minutes. Hm.. maybe Word 2010 just takes a lot of memory, I’ll just close my internet browser? No effect. Hm.. maybe Microsoft has some malicious coding in there against Apple, I’ll just close iTunes? No effect. Hm.. maybe I’ll close every other dang program like AntiVirus software? No effect.
Let’s try Excel 2010. Maybe it’s just Word 2010. To my surprise, voila, Excel works flawlessly. Nice new ribbon interface and it seems to be more equation-friendly. Awesome. Ok, maybe I just installed a corrupted version of Word 2010.
So I try to re-install all of Microsoft Word 2010, but before I do, I make sure to uninstall all versions of Microsoft Office (who knows? maybe they’re corrupted too). After another 32 minute install, I try again. Every other program except Word 2010 runs great. WTF. I bet you can’t even name the other programs that COME WITH OFFICE. I personally don’t use anything other than Word (ok, maybe Excel and Powerpoint).
At their core, word processor are supposed to do one thing: type. I push the keyboard buttons and things should show up on the screen. It’s not I push a button and my entire computer explodes. I’m not creating a bomb inside my computer.
Turns out that a lot of other people are having the same problem as me. Microsoft even has a support page – which absolutely does not help at all. There are many possible fixes for your Word sucking: uninstall your plug-ins, reinstall your fonts, even editing your registry. Edit my registry? WTF.. I’m not a computer science major. I don’t care to mess with this garbage. I wasn’t having this (or any) problem with Word 2007. I want my copy of Office 2007. I hope I can find it.
So let me clarify a little bit. I don’t hate Microsoft Office 2010, I hate Microsoft Word 2010. I can forgive the fact that Clippy is not back (literally). I can forgive the fact that Microsoft Office required 30 minutes (literally) to install – both times. I can forgive the fact that the installation anti-pirating verification code they gave me was 70 letters long (not literally, but it was long). I can forgive the fact that there are more than 29,900,000 hits (literally) for “why is microsoft word 2010 running so slow” on Google.
Ok ok. You’re right. I also can’t forgive the fact that Clippy is not back in the program. I think I’m going to hold out, in the style of this guy.
I just can’t forgive a WORD-processor program which doesn’t process words. In fact (I just tested it) and it manages to crash if I open Word and don’t type anything. I’m going to reinstall Word 2007 and hope that Microsoft goes bankrupt by the time the next Office is due to come out.
PS. To anyone who stumbled onto this page looking for trouble-shooting tips, I’d suggest you give up on this Microsoft FAIL and just reinstall Word 2007. Or if you’re really stubborn you can just Google “microsoft word 2010 running slow” and try 30 different patches. Like I said, there’s more than 29,900,000 other people who have written about it.
PPS. If you stumbled onto this page looking for tips on building a bomb, I’d suggest installing Word 2010 and using it as a detonator for your computer bomb.
PPPS. You know what else I hate? Peer review.