Just in time for the upcoming slate of NFL conference championships this Sunday, I am posting today about the results of my (fantasy) football season.
League 1: Rhode Island Hospital/ Brown University co-workers (1st year)
Team name: Clock’s on the stove
First, let me explain the team name. All you feminists out there, please skip this next paragraph:
Q: Why don’t women wear watches?
A: Because there’s a clock on the stove.
Anyways, this was my first year with RIH co-workers. It was also the first time a lot of my co-workers had ever done fantasy football. It was slightly ridiculous. DailyGrace pretty much sums up how all of them drafted. I ended up getting an insanely awesome team, lost my first game – which was discouraging; but then started winning. In fact, I rolled off 9 wins in a row, and won the championship! We actually decided to award a trophy .. to the worst player.
Secondly, in a slightly hilarious story, JP dropped from second place and to not making the playoffs. He lost 5 of the last 6 weeks after losing Adrian Peterson, Michael Vick, and various absences from Jason Witten, Jordy Nelson, and Michael Turner.
Lastly, I think I give this league the award for best team names. I mean, we had one girl (look out feminists again) name her team “angry dragon.” If you don’t know what that is, it is slightly too vulgar for this public post – look it up on urban dictionary.
League 2: Florida grad students (3rd year)
Team name: Open fly Favre jeans
B won. I will not grace a public post with the name of his team. Here is his logo, use your imagination… and then realize it’s worse
But it was an amazing story of worst-to-first. He didn’t even make the playoffs last year. In fact, last year he drafted a kicker in like the 4th round. Literally. “What?! He’s got a really good leg!” He realized his mistake(s) from last year though and destroyed everyone in the playoffs, making a merciless run to the championship.
On the other end of the spectrum, going from first-to-worst, last year’s first (Scary) and second place (me) didn’t make the playoffs this year.
Also, Pan made his logo this.. I left it the same size as it appears in a Yahoo! user’s account. It is ridiculous that I recognized what it was – the red part is a Bragg peak. For the 99.99999% of people who still do not know what that is, all you have to know is it has to do with proton radiotherapy. If you recognized it, you’re a nerd and you should look over your shoulder because you’re about to get beat up by a bully playground- / prison- style (trademark pending). Actually not really prison-style, which is just straight up molestation.
I’m not going to write about any of my other leagues because they’re not as funny. Those other leagues just piss me off. For example, in one league I had the highest points-for and also the highest points-against but didn’t make the playoffs.
Watching football these past few weeks without any ulterior motives has been weird (now I can actually cheer for Rob Gronkowski). It’s like something’s missing. Oh well. Here’s to hoping for a rematch between the Pats and Giants – and having the Patriots lose. I hope they do, and send the entire New England area into screaming despair.