Remember two weeks ago when everyone was convinced they were going to win the lottery? I think the odds of winning that $600 million Mega Millions jackpot was higher than getting struck by lightning three times or something ridiculous like that.
Everyone went out and got tickets. There were lines everywhere. Think about what I just said. You had to wait in line … to pay money for tickets … to (most likely) lose. Anyways, yeah, so I didn’t win. The bottom line was that I stopped caring about the results as soon as I found out that I didn’t win anything.
Turns out that three schoolteachers had pooled some money together and won. They are going to split the money and take the lump sum. All three of them are still going to stay anonymous, employed and continue living “normal” lives, with the exception of paying off a mortgage or taking a vacation. But for the most part, they sounded sincere and smart about it.
But wait, I thought the news said that the Maryland winner was some crazy lady who worked at McDonald’s.
There were three winning tickets identified – with one being sold in Maryland. Before the real Maryland winners had stepped forward, this lovely 37-year old McDonald’s employee, and mother of SEVEN (!!), claimed to be the winner, calling her coworkers after the drawing and yelling, “I won! I won!”
She went public about it – granting all sorts of news interviews. But then, her story started to fall apart. When presented with the winning numbers she changed her mind and claimed that she only recognized “some of” the numbers on her ticket, and her co-workers said they pooled their money for the tickets.
Let’s break that statement down: 1) When you only have “some of” the numbers, that means you “didn’t win” the “jackpot.” 2) You only won part of the money if you pooled tickets together.
Next, she claimed that she bought the ticket outside of the pool’s fund, by saying: “McDonald’s don’t have nothing to do with this. They don’t have nothing to do with – they don’t even know about it and they don’t even have nothing to do with this. It’s only us by ourself [sic].”
I can’t comment on this statement because it appears she is speaking in English, but I have no idea what she is talking about. So…. many… pronouns…
But I was shocked to find out that somehow this masterful response did not appease her coworkers (You know what? They probably just couldn’t handle the genius of the prose). So, the other members of the pool got angry and made threats, so she broke down, and stated, “All right! All right! I’ll share, but I can’t find the ticket right now.”
You can’t find the ticket? Seriously, that’s what your story is?
She then claimed a few hours later that it was in a “safe place” at an undisclosed location. Then under what I am sure was “heavy pressure” she revealed it was stashed at the McDonald’s in which she worked. I’ll skip the obvious jokes here about the McRib and just ask, “Why would you tell people your secret hiding spot?” That’s what makes it so effective.. it’s a secret hiding spot. And if you’re going to confide in anyone, the TV guy with a camera is probably not the best choice.
After her ridiculous claim of using McDonald’s for safekeeping, she went back to claiming that she had “lost” it. So after saying she lost it (again), she said, “If it’s meant to be, we’ll [find and] claim the ticket.”
Right, seems like you’re a little nonchalant about losing $200 million (3 winning tickets, $600 million) and the chance to completely turn your life around.
Last few thoughts: I don’t understand why you’d call your coworkers and the press all to claim you had the winning ticket (which you also bought outside of the work-pool – ha ha sucks to be you, coworker! So close yet so far). Did you think that you wouldn’t get figured out? I mean.. really? I don’t understand some people. I still do not understand why the media isn’t skewering her like the fraud that she is.
Before you ask, I’m not sure why this whole charade angers me so much. But I figured I’d get up on my public rostrum and concentrate this week’s segment on this.
Anyways, I’m glad that the teachers won and also that they decided to be smart about their prize. But let’s be honest here, I think we all know that the real winner in this whole situation is probably McDonald’s for having such an honest, diligent, and humble employee.
Snowstorm Girls part 5 – Exhaustion