This is the story of a girl I met at kickball league. Her name isn’t really Katie G.. I made up this nickname after I recently started half-jokingly referring to her as “Kick Tease Girl.” Then I tried to shorten it, which turned into K.T.G. (sound it out, get the Katie G thing now?).
After every game, at the bar, I would always manage to sidle up to Katie, her friends, and the rest of her team. Even wearing baggy shirts and a ponytail, she still looked smoking hot. She had two of the most important things you can’t hide when you play sports: beautiful blue eyes and legs that went on forever. She was a no-sweat natural – well, minus the “sweat” part (No-effort natural?). Completely aced my S-test (smart, sexy, sweet, silly, and sassy).
I think my first conversation which lasted more than 3 words happened when I completely convinced one of her friends I was a blimp driver. We will call this friend Maria. I chose that name because she is a nanny, (like Maria from Sound of Music). Anyways, after one particularly spirited night, her friend declares that “we should all get together sometime.” We will call this friend Sophia (the reason behind that name is here)
I text Sophia to coordinate the shenanigans. We decide to have everyone meet at the Piano Bar. I call up some of my buddies who we will call Mike, Matt, Josh, and Dan. It is really hard to come up with fake names – so those are the top 4 baby names of 1985. Anyways, Sophia will bring her friends – most importantly Katie. So after a little excessive pregaming, we finally stumble into the bar a little late. The girls have been there for a little bit already.
Unfortunately, the moment I show up at the bar, Sophia comes up to me and blurts out, “I’m sorry I didn’t know Aaron was coming, I swear I didn’t even know about Aaron!”
..Uh, who’s Aaron again? So I creatively ask her exactly that, “Uh, who’s Aaron again?”
“Oh she dated this guy for three years but they broke up like two days ago or something. And I guess they got back together again this morning,” explains Sophia.
“Oh. Great.” Thanks woman, I probably could’ve used that information earlier. That certainly puts a damper on things.
As you can imagine, I’m a little pissed off about the situation, I had no idea she was dating someone. I found out later that they had broken up that week and had decided to get back together on Friday morning or something like that. But I didn’t know at the time, so I handle this the super mature way by completely ignoring her.
I decide to make the best of the night. With or without Katie, the bottom line is that I’ve got a bunch of buddies with me, there’s a ton of chicks, and we are going to have a good time. Well, Mike and Matt have girlfriends, so they’re just hanging out and having a few beers. So, it’s just me, Dan, and Josh who’re trying to be extra social.
As usual, when I hit the bar, I go into wingman mode. This night was different – I guess I was looking forward to hanging out with Katie more than I thought.. Anyways, I was in like SUPER wingman mode. Well, I smoothly introduce Sophia to my friend Josh and they immediately hit it off. I’m just sitting there, so proud of myself for playing Cupid yet again.
[Sidenote: Don’t believe me about playing matchmaker? Ask Ben & Jackie, ask Zach & Lala, or ask Yayo & Tina. Who needs E-harmony when you have C-harmony? Okay that “C-harmony” thing was terrible. Anyways, those are 3 of my best friends and I have been directly responsible for their relationships. Don’t forget about Todd & Kate either.. I could go on, but I think I’ll stop now.]
The entire group is getting along really well and we’re talking about our plans for that weekend. We mention how Mike, Matt, Josh, and I were planning on going to Boston on Saturday. The girls let out a little shriek and are like, “WE are going to Boston tomorrow!! We totally need to meet up.” So we agree that Boston will be a lot of fun – we agree to maybe meet up if they’re in the same area.
Fast forward to 12:30 AM. Katie walks up to the table after being MIA since, I don’t know, 11:30? I thought she left an hour ago. So I’m thinking, “Wait what? I watched her walk out the door.” I think “gawk” might be a better word here. Like I said earlier, her legs went on forever.
Did she come back?
Yup. She dropped her bf off and came back to the bar.
So y’all know me. I start thinking this is like some Notebook-level event (although I later had this happen with one of the Snowstorm Girls too). Is this a metaphor for what is going on in real life – dropping her bf and coming to me?
Probably a stretch, but in my condition, that’s what I thought was happening. Then again, earlier that night I also thought that a mature idea would be to ignore her. (But, hey, that worked out didn’t it?) I guess my cognition skills seem to take a nosedive whenever I’m around her.
As the night flashes by, the group starts to peel off. By closing time, the bar is completely empty except Josh, Sophia, Katie and me. I’m going to leave out the part about Katie really needing to pee. That was a funny side story, but extremely embarrassing. I’ll save that gem for when I get really bitter about this. (Why are chicks always needing to pee around me? Some of you may remember the Chicago Girl debacle..)
Anyways, Josh, Sophia, Katie, and I all decide to keep the party going. Josh and I took this to mean “Let’s go to Josh’s place and drink.” Anyways, we all pile into a cab – Katie, Josh, and Sophia in the back seat, me in the front (I don’t like it in the back. Hey-o!).
The surly looking taxi driver (who I dubbed Angry Joe aka “AJ”) asks, “Where to?”
I respond, “Well, I think we’re going to Josh’s apartment, which is at -”
“We wanna go home!!” Sophia practically screams.
Me and Josh exchange shrugs. Oh well, no one can say we didn’t try. I look over to AJ, “You heard the ladies, I have no idea where they live though. But we’ll take them back so we can be sure they make it back.”
On the way to the girls’ place, we are all still laughing and having a good time while recounting the night. Over the second part of the drive, Josh and Sophia start to become, well.. not quite intimate, but I would describe it as, uh, “talking closely” maybe? Lots of whispering and giggling. I’m almost positive that the giggling was all Josh.
But I don’t think they made any contact, at least from what I could see without craning my neck around. So AJ brings the taxi to a stop at their place. Turns out they live in the same complex. But as we pull up, Josh reluctantly begins to untangle himself from the pile of hotness made up of Katie and Sophia (It’s probably the closest he’s gotten to a threesome) to let them out. Suddenly both girls exchange looks and get all quiet. Then Sophia innocently asks, “You guys are going to come up right?”
Needless to say, OF COURSE we are coming up. I quickly throw AJ way too much cash (because I had anticipated having to get a ride back to my place) and hurdle out of the car like Usain Bolt.
I’m sure we were quite a sight: all of us stumbling down the hall with me carrying Katie; Josh and Sophia finding terrible excuses to touch each other. We get in the elevator, Sophia slaps Katie’s hand as she reaches to push her third-floor button. I don’t remember why exactly, but I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s because she probably dropped Aaron off there? I don’t know, I just remember Sophia slapping Katie’s hand hard. Then all of us going to Sophia’s apartment.
Anyways, I can see that Josh and Sophia might need their space so Katie and I retreat from the common room. Suddenly, Katie starts crying and is talking about how Sophia is like her little sister and she feels so bad because they were supposed to both be single together – or some crazy girl talk like that. I don’t remember exactly, I didn’t exactly understand what she was saying because she was too busy crying hysterically to be intelligible.
Sensing this would put a huge damper on the whole “keeping the party going” vibe we had, I walked her outside Sophia’s room and back to the elevator where we start talking a little bit. All of a sudden in the middle of me talking, she just goes for it. I mean, she fixes her big shiny blue/green/gray eyes on me through her tear-stained mascara, gets up on her toes and plants a huge kiss on me. It was like a mind-blowing moment.
I’d be lying if I said I resisted at first. It was blindingly amazing. But after 2 seconds of bliss, I had to push her away. Two things are wrong here. Most importantly, she’s got a boyfriend and I’m not going to be “that guy.” Secondly, she’s got a boyfriend and they’re clearly having some sort of issues right now if they broke up earlier that week and were tentatively together again?
On top of that, she’d just been crying her eyes out about 20 seconds earlier. Mood swings are not something I handle well.
Anyways, after I pull away she goes right back to whimpering (great, another mood swing). Well, on a positive note it is an improvement over the hysterical sobbing while we were in Sophia’s apartment.
I’m trying to make light of the situation and make a bet with her. I know Josh is a good dude and he wouldn’t sleep with Sophia that night. If I was right, she’d owe me a date. And, here’s the kicker (I’m not sure how I did it – but I’m still proud of it), if I was wrong, she’d still owe me a date. So win-win for me with that bet.. but a loss for me overall because she was still with Aaron.
I decided to contemplate my life that night and made the first walk from her apartment complex. It would prove to be the first of many to come. Wait, what? So I still didn’t explain what happened to my head. Sorry, you’ll have to wait until the next few parts.
What happened to my head?
Katie G part 2: Saturday, the Boston night
Katie G part 3: Sunday night, the calm before the storm
Katie G part 4: Blackout.
Katie G part 5: Flower-filled outrage
Katie G part 6: The end
Where did the name Sophia come from?
Katie G part 7: More confusion
Snowstorm Girls part 4 – Into the storm
Snowstorm Girls part 5 – Exhaustion