I was nominated by the OK-Cupid Diva herself, Sara @VirginSturgeon. Her blog is here and it’s fantastically hilarious. She is the antithesis to my life philosophies because she regularly goes on OK-Cupid online dates. But she is awesome and recounts in unique first-person perspective the awkward, alcohol-fueled, and (sometimes) romantic misadventures. It’s basically a way funnier version of my life, but from a female perspective.
By accepting the Liebster Award, you have to complete these tasks:
■ Thank the person who nominated you
■ Answer the eleven questions they asked you
You’re probably going to regret reading these answers, but I’ll try to keep them PG13.
1. What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you in bed with a lover?
Her breathlessly saying, “No, we can’t do that.”
“Why? You’re breathless. Who gets breathless?” I respond.
She makes a face, “It’s that ‘special’ time of the month. You should know that!” (Sidenote: No I should not know that.)
So I reluctantly pull myself off her and get ready to take a cold shower. I’m literally sitting there panting for like 10 seconds, trying to regain control over myself and she quietly asks me, “Do you want to, you know, do me in the butt?”
I have some more hilarious stories from early 2013. But they’re not past the window date. For those of you that don’t regularly read me, I always try to delay posts and use pseudonyms in order to avoid (further) embarrassment.
2. Would you rather date a homeless person with a heart of gold or a rich oil tycoon with a bad temper who kills all your house plants and hates your cat? Why?
Rich oil tycoon all day. I hate cats too. Sorry, they’re jerks.
3. What did you dream last Sunday night?
I dreamt that I went back in time and assassinated the genius who came up with Daylights Savings Time. That is seriously the only day of the year I wish I lived in Arizona (they don’t celebrate DST there – bust that one out at trivia and impress some ladies).
4. What is your favorite rom com movie and why?
Hmm. It’s a toss-up between Sweet Home Alabama (Reese Witherspoon at 25? Yes ma’am) and Valentine’s Day just because Taylor Swift is in it.
5. Would you rather abstain from sex or meat for a year if you had to choose only one?
I am currently in the middle of a lifting mesocycle where I am intaking four thousand calories per day. I am also currently intaking zero women per day. I am happy as a clam.
6. Tell us about a life or death situation when you didn’t think you would make it?!
Pretty much every night in Gainesville.
7. Do you feel like you have a “one that got away”?
Nah, not really. I just have lots of funny stories honestly. Honestly, if I felt like that I would chase her to the ends of the earth.. Or until she filed a restraining order on me.
8. If you had to pick one song to be your personal anthem, what would it be?
I can’t wait to feel what is described in Zac Brown Band’s “Whatever it is.” Give it a listen if you haven’t already.
9. Describe the best experience you’ve had as a blogger when a stranger has reached out to you about your blog.
Kinda cliche, but it doesn’t ever get old each time you get an email from strangers saying they stumbled upon your site and how much they loved it.
10. Have you ever had a romantic encounter that was so fantastic it should have been in a movie? What the heck happened?
11. If you could eat dim sum off of any naked male celebrity over 60, who would it be?
I’m going to go ahead and change this to female celebrity.. Jaclyn Smith. Charlie’s Angels? She’s still got curls and crazy smoking hot eyes. She could be Taylor Swift’s grandma. Some chicks never lose it. And my future wife better be one of them.
■ Nominate eleven other people (who have 200 or less followers)
And of course, I am actually extremely curious to see the answers given by What’s in the Box to her own questions..
If you count carefully you also see that’s only 9. Eh, close enough.
■ Ask them eleven in return
Here’s my 11 questions off the top of my head bing bang boom. Sorry they’re not really thought out that well:
1. What’s the most awkward experience you’ve had at the hospital?
2. What animal would you compare yourself with? Please include what you think the spelling of this animal’s mating call would sound like.
3. What’s the most money you’ve ever spent in one night? Note: excessively large purchases such as buying a car or paying rent do not count unless it involves: a blood contract, stolen animal, or fire.
4. Other than “I have a boyfriend”, what’s your most creative pickup rejection line?
5. How many pushups can you do? (Big-time bonus points if you understand this reference).
6. If you got 5 vacation days right now and I handed you $5,000, what would you do?
7. How many pairs of jeans do you own? If this number is in the double digits, please explain. I’ve never really understood this phenomena.
8. What is your favorite episode of How I Met Your Mother?
9. Have you ever been arrested? If not, how did you avoid this (ex. feminine charms, sneakily pouring out on the sidewalk, straight-up sprinting)?
10. Do you frequently Facebook stalk people?
11. Describe either your funniest or most recent walk of shame.
PS. As a supplement to Question #1 earlier: No, I did not do her in the butt.