I went on my first Grouper in February. It was especially ironic because it was on February 13 which has been infamously dubbed Desperation Day by Barney Stinson as the day before Valentine’s Day. A few weeks ago, I posted about what a Grouper is. It’s an interesting twist on the online dating concept, so if you don’t know what it is, read that post, it takes like 5 minutes. Otherwise this post won’t make much sense.
I’ve always heard good things about Grouper dates and my friends’ pictures/posts make it sound like a blast. However, these friends are mostly based in Boston. So for us in Providence, there are two huge negatives to Grouper. First, the closest Grouper city is Boston. Second, Groupers are always during the week – either Wednesday or Thursday nights. So unlike our dates (or most of the people who go on Boston Groupers), one of us has to drive everyone back that night.
For my two wingmen, I picked one of the guys from the Cellerbration and one of my buddies from dodgeball. We decide that our strategy is to just land numbers and meet up in Providence at a later weekend. I mean, you’re looking at some really long odds if you are trying to hook up with a chick on a Wednesday night when you’re of out of town too.
So the night before, we get one name, “Lauren” and a location (The Wild Rover). Literally that’s all the information they gave us. A little secretive right?
Well, at least we have absolutely no information on any of the 3 chicks we are about to go out with.. Yes. This will make it really cool and suave if we just keep going up to 20 different groups of chicks and saying, “Is one of you named Lauren?” Well I think I’ve accepted that this is going to be super awkward.
Anyways, we meet the chicks with no problem and there’s just one chick who is super grumpy and just overall not fun. She answered all questions with one-word answers, and just sat there across the table with her arms crossed and frowning. I may have a slightly hazy memory but I could swear that she looked like Grumpy Cat.
We have about 15-20 minutes of casual banter with the girls before I finally broach the subject. “WHY ARE YOU BEING SO AWESOMELY SOCIAL?” I ask.
Grumpy Cat Woman looks shocked that I just asked her straight up. Well, she stammers, “I have a boyfriend and we are going through some fighting. They dragged me along because they couldn’t find anyone else after one of the original girls had to cancel last minute.”
So that makes sense, but still doesn’t help. I reply, “Ok, I’m sorry about your boyfriend or whatever, but stop being a buzz-kill. Everyone else is having fun except you.” Now instead of just her looking shocked, all of her friends look dumbfounded. There’s about a 5 second tense silence and then everyone bursts out socializing all at once.
I guess she just needed someone to call her out and pull her out of her hazy cloud of depression. Anyways, the bar we were at had less than 10 people total – including us 6 and the bartender. So a few minutes later, we decide to go find another bar. It’s downtown Boston, there’s bars everywhere.
We get to the next bar and bottom line, we end up ditching Lauren, Grumpy Cat Woman, and their other friend. We didn’t do it maliciously but they were just not fun… So we actually ended up talking to a different group of chicks and had a great time. Two of us got numbers with the promise to talk again later this weekend. The one I talked to, Steph*, was great: a blonde nurse at MGH. Two months later, I am still talking with her. [More on that later!] The Grouper chicks ended up calling it a night and cordially gave us hugs before leaving.
Women of Grouper (and women in general), moral of the story: if you’re going to replace your friend on a Grouper, don’t pick someone who looks like Grumpy Cat Woman. And if she does, make sure she’s at least a little social. Be honest with yourself, if there’s a group of dudes going on a Grouper they are going to be outgoing and they will find another group of girls who are social.